Mis(s)taken Identity

TIME reports that Theresa Culpepper, a woman from Atlanta, called the local police to tell them about her stolen truck. When the cops came to her door a few hours later, Theresa assumed quite reasonably that it was about the truck. So imagine her horror when she was led off to jail, not for disturbing the peace of the police about a silly truck, but for committing aggravated assault!


Turned out that another lady called Theresa had delivered some stinging upper cuts to her victim or done whatever else that qualifies as aggravated assault. She was the one the Atlanta police wanted to throw in the cooler. Theresa's lawyer said that except for the first name match, there was nothing else that could have misled the cops to do what they did.


So someone in Atlanta police must have thought, "What was the name again? Theresa? Didn't she call about the truck this morning? Bring her in boys!" And they kept Ms. Culpepper in jail for 53 days before her lawyer convinced them they wanted the other Theresa, the one with the Shaolin knuckles.

But what you've read so far isn't nearly as strange as what follows.

A TV channel tracked down Theresa the Assaulter. If I were the lady, I'd have quickly assumed a rich baritone and said, yes, this is Karthik, when should I lecture on Wittgenstein? 


But T the A didn't do any such thing. She wondered aloud why she hadn't been arrested yet! "Oh! Am I getting arrested? What a relief! I've been waiting 53 days to do time but nobody's come for me!" is what she said (or so I am informed by undisclosed sources).

Now all this makes me thankful that Atlanta isn't any South Indian city which I may inhabit. Given that this part of the globe teems with Karthiks as China does with Changs and Antarctica with Penguins - at any rate teems more than Atlanta does with Theresas - I would live every minute of my life expecting to be led away in chains for the crimes of my namesakes.

However, a couple of things reduce my anxiety. One, Karthik is a very uncool name among thieves, murderers, embezzlers and their ilk. Second, if I do get locked-up, it will be a matter of days before one or two other Karthiks are thrown in for company. And there's room only for so many of us.